Speed Dating in the Church

On Sunday we began our Relentless series looking at the book of Jonah, you can listen to the first message here. We called it 'When I need nowhere to hide' because the reality is that most of us have or are spending our lives hiding spiritually. People won't often notice it and if truth be told we don't even realise that we are doing it. Most of the key diagnostic questions we can ask to discern if we are playing spiritual hide and seek surrounds our engagement within a local church where other believers are having input into our lives.

We have long said that there are at least four Biblical type relationships that we need as we seek to pursue a closer walk with Jesus.

We need a Paul type friend: someone ahead of us in their walk, who is pouring into our life all that they have learnt and grown in.

We need a Barnabas type friend: someone who is at the same stage in their walk as we are. Someone who is putting their arm around you as you do to them with the goal of encouragement and exhortation.

We need a Timothy type friend: someone who we serve as a Paul to. Often this is the relationship which will take us longest to find dependng on how we are growing. We need to all be on the look out for Timothy

We need a Nathan type friend: someone who has the liberty to come alongside us and call us out on the sin in our lives and gets to do that because they have a foundation in our relationship of loving us.

The problem is that often we are resistant to those kinds of relationships. We fear the implications of having someone in our lives who knows us and sees how we are. We fear having someone help us because of the implication of helplessness that brings about us. So our relationships in church become a bit like spiritual speed dating:

We begin a series of relationships with the intention of developing a level of depth because after all who wants shallow relationships. The relationship ticks along fine, the talk is good, the person we are choosing to hang about with has at least a residual attractiveness through being cool, fun, different, wise, older, whatever. The relationship develops then the conversation takes a fresh twist:

'[Your name], I've been hanging out with you for a while now, and you know I love you. I've noticed that you are very critical of your wife/husband when we talk together. I was reading these verse in God's Word the other day and i thought they might help you....

Ding- the spiritual speed dating bell has rung and you are already thinking of a new person to hang out with.

Who knew? Actually you DO want shallow relationships. Every time someone seeks to disciple you, grow you, challenge you and even sometimes when all they want to do it encourage you (Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding... you ring the spiritual speed dating bell).

How has you time with the Lord been recently- Ding!

I see that spending time at your work is becoming more important than spending time with God or with you family- Ding!

The relationship you are in is drawing you away from Jesus- Ding!

So here are five diagnostic questions:

Do you have someone who you are in regular conversations with about what is going on in your heart?

Do you have someone you have had those conversations regularly with for a sustained amount of time (years not weeks)?

If you think about your approach to relationships in your local church does your life have something of a revolving door feel about it?

Are you part of a small group where these relationships can be encouraged?

Who serves as a Paul and who serves as a Barnabas to you?

Stop speed dating the church, it's just holding you back from finding the true value that God is seeking to invest in your life through being a proper part of the church.