5 Things We Could Say More

Words matter. We have been given the gift of communication and live in an age of mass communication like no other in history and yet we often under-use it or misuse it. The church is not immune in this regard. Today I would like to highlight some sentences I think would serve any church well where they were used more frequently.

How can I pray for you?
I think we are good at responding to being told of what is going on in another's life with the encouragement of 'I'll pray for you...' The challenge in that circumstance is to actually make good on the promise rather than to become a handy summing up turn of phrase that is never delivered upon. There is something different about asking 'How can I pray for you?' It encourages an openness by indicating a willingness to partner with someone in what God is doing in their life. It will fan the flame of fellowship because it allows a more specific move away from the generalities that often plague our interaction perhaps best summed up by the fact that 'fine' is such an acceptable answer. Ask the question then ask your Heavenly Father- why do we not do this more?

I really see you growing in...
If our default position is to find the problem rather than the promise then that is an issue. We are so shy at identifying and verbalising evidence of grace in others. How about we pursue positivity rather than passivity? A church culture that embraces the benefits of identifying God's grace in the lives of those who belong to the church is made significantly more healthy by the glorying in God and His goodness that such activity entails. A church that does not have such a characteristic of spiritual affirmation is choking the testimony of God's transforming power and is probably dying from discouragement.

Have you spoken to them about...
Gossip and criticism is a cancer in the church. If you want to deal with it straight away ask this question. People can try and justify it all they want but talking about an individual, discussing the church or speaking ill of the church leadership to someone other than the actual subject of conversation never makes things better. In reality all it does is stir things up in our hearts even more to the detriment of both us and the hopes of resolving or reconciling. You are not pastorally caring for someone, or being a good counsellor to them by listening to them vent. Getting something off their chest is NOT the same as dealing with something in their heart. Rather than being an aid to them you become an ally to them in their grievance and disaffection. The Bible is clear about how to deal with conflict and relationship difficulties. Becoming a third party sounding board does not feature. We have been tremendously blessed at Harvest by a profound sense of unity. This should be a cause of celebration and a reason to guard against any complacency. Many churches reach shipwreck precisely because of the unbiblical indulgence of conversations that lead to clusters of dissaffection. Let's stop poisonous conversations by asking at the start of them- 'Before/instead of speaking to me, have you spoken to them about that?'

I was really blessed by...
Affirmation does not equal sappy or cheesy. It is entirely necessary and tragically lacking in much of church life today. If someone had served you or the church well, let them know. It is not your job to keep them humble or let them know their place. A kind word, a card or note or some other such expression of love may be just what is needed for a weary servant. Particularly look for the person who does the job that no-one notices but that makes such a difference to everyone in the church. The sound guys, the folks who serve tea and coffee, the small groups leaders who give their time to care for your group, whoever it is be quick to express how blessed you are by their contribution. They are not doing it primarily for you but you can and should celebrate their faithfulness to Jesus and be thankful that you benefit from their service.

What is God teaching you right now?
Don't you just long to hear the answer to that question from the people in your church family?